crossbones style

I have been writing the most honestly I ever have, publically, and though it seems painfully abstract, it is everything but.

I was struck this afternoon and tonight with a dull, residual sadness.

I don't know what it is. Division. Recognition.

I had dinner in an empty hole in the wall chinese restaurant. Red chairs. Wooden walls. Swaying sliding door in the wind. I felt sullen. Remote.

I fell asleep for a couple hours after getting home. I think that is what put me off.

I've been thinking about Dwaine today. That snake. I keep seeing him climbing up my bed between my legs, and I admonish myself for fantasising about him, because he gave me the creeps with those eyes that looked right.into.me, but I know the sex would have been magnificent. I don't regret staying away. I just don't want to think about him. Something in him terrifies me. Afterall, I did not go.

Weird night..

I have been thinking about the life I'll lead for a month in June. Of the one I do now. Bruised sky that looks like thunder but only brings a cool, comforting breeze. I keep coming back to the other Place, the Walk, the road, the being alone. Of wanting to eat men or shut it off for a long time.

It's a definitive period.